Signing off.

Dear moon,
It's been too many days since you've been missing from my skies. You seem to have taken all your moondust to a galaxy i haven't yet known of. But i hope you're doing just fine there.
I hope there's someone in that colossal galaxy who waits for the sun to go to sleep ,and for black to take over the blue skies just to get a glance of you. My darling, you've been outshining my love for for you with all of your hatred.
And all of your freckles seem to sing to me of the melodies Mozart couldn't finish off in his lifetime.
Your eyes gleam and mine burn from your shine. For your shine, is from my pain and you reflect all of it back to me.
Remember that day? When i was in the hospital and you were pretty near? You couldn't come see me, for once.
I hadn't known someone I would've given up my life for, someone i gave up everyone for, would give up on me for people who weren't supposed to stay anyway.
It hurts in my guts- some corner which i can't describe. It hurts like something screwing inside of it and tearing it slowly- tasting each of the cells with melancholia bursting through their sidewalls.
You. Broke me in a way that I bleed poetry through the vessels which long to be anywhere but inside of my body.
My skinshed has been sequinned with misery on the sides of all the voids your fingers have left on me.
And i can't seem to avoid hurt anymore.
The thought of you, and how you're doing fine without me.
The thought of you, and how you were perfectly okay when i was suffering so bad that even my enemies brought chocolates for me.
The thought of you, and how you've never cared enough.
The thought of you, and of what i lost when I lost you- and how you didn't lose anything when you lost me.
It's killing me in ways I don't know how to fight.
But people.
Have been telling me that I can't be where i am in my life- anymore.
I let down my guards and the blame is for me to eat for i would be gone soon.
I've suffered more than i should've and it's about time i bid adieu to my grief.
That i love you? Isn't a sin and i don't deserve to be punished for something which wasn't wrong to start with.
So here i am, telling you I'm leaving with you my heart and i know you won't keep it safe.
But it's okay, because i still love you. And you can keep it as you want.
You can keep my heart. And crush it.
You can keep my heart. For it hurts inside of me.
You can keep my heart.
And.
I'll keep my Sanity.
It's about time. I leave.
Leave.
To never come back.
Signing off
Your lover.

The Mess That We Are.

We wear anxiety in our heads
Like a crown which has known wars
Which has fought the world and scarred the lands long forgotten
Which has known numbness to it's core.

We wear our hearts on our sleeves
And even though we've been pricked too many times
We're still willing to trust you,
With all we're left with of ourselves.

We fall in love and we make LOVE
In a way that the world stops rotating,
And the lights shut themselves
Purity, we call it. Mistakes, you do.

We make love. And you take all of it
Crumble it and throw it in the bin we ash our cigarettes in.
And we? We still hold your chests against ours to feel your cold heart beat
For that is all that keeps ours beating.

You call our love fake, and call us sluts
And we keep loving you from a distance.
We keep praying for you at every holy place we go to
We tell gods to keep an eye on you and protect you from all evil
And you tell people how we've been smothering you.

We love, as you betray, and use, and shatter us.
Because that is pretty much all we've known.

We wear masks which know only smiles on our ugly faces
And fragility on the insides of our souls that know only weeping.

We wear insanity in our arms as we walk towards our graves
Which you only keep digging- deeper
For just as dearly we know love
You know hate.

The Unusual.

I find Beauty in things I shouldn't.
Like death.
The way all of those ten million cells which kept going for you for so many years, Suddenly decide to give up on you.
The way all your organs realise that they have had enough.
The way your breaths know that there is no more space left for them to occupy in this world.
The way your skin knows how the cuts you always carved onto it had finally come to do the needful.
The way your veins and arteries and all of those nerves magically crave peace.
And all of your infinite tiny parts take the rest they always deserved.

And heartbreak.
The way your lover gracefully takes all of your pains and plants the sapling of hope in the garden by the backyard just to poison it with cyanide to seek the pleasure of watching it rot.
The way someone who once bled from your miseries now turns a sadist just for your miseries.
The way hurt seeks Refuge in the shattered dimensions of your soul which plead to be anywhere but your body.
The way a human, who can endure the greatest of tortures gives up the moment they talk of their failure in love.
The way the hiatus isn't ever a full stop.

I find Beauty
In having nothing.
The way then, you are free of anyone- anything that could've chained your brains or your heart
They way then, you would've been yourself because a man is only himself when he knows there's nothing really left for him to lose.

As for me,
There's an altogether different charm in being depressed.
The way you know how it feels to be jailed pretty much before you ever go to a prison. The way the constant Dystopia bleeds poetry into the veins which otherwise surge with just hurt. The way there's only pieces of you you can carry with yourself. Fragments of emotions which pop up spontaneously- anyone at anytime.
The way tomorrow is always suspicious and the way today is always too long.

There's so much artistry in the way self harm consumes a person
For all the scars which lie naked not covered by norms, ethics, morality.
The way your skin cries for you each time your hands can't touch the only guy you have ever loved.
The way truth, is etched onto your being so beautifully that it can never be separated from you.

I find Beauty in everything you run away from.
Because I believe, everything that was created has about itself a splendid feature which could make you fall on your knees.
So next time you decide to open your mouth and spill verses out of it,
Name them nothing but beautiful.