It made me realise how much had changed since then. I was like this broken thing you fixed and threw it back away.
And here, exactly after a year of our separation, I still look at our pictures wondering what went wrong, weeping over what's gone. It hurts a little too much, you know? Hearing of that girl you're seeing now, looking at how happy you were walking hands in hands with her as you walked past me.
Remembering how you promised me a lifetime of happiness and love yet left me sans even the traces of joy. I still feel your arms around me while I'm crying, and then open my eyes to the harsh reality; the fact that you're over me and I'm still stuck in the past, still living the bittersweet memories. I hope you knew what you meant to me, I wish you didn't walk away.
But how can I even blame you for this? I know handling a filthy piece of crap like me is one hell of a task.
Everyone, just every fucking one has eventually abandoned me, how could I even expect you to be an exception.
It's all my fault that I let you see the ugly parts of me, let you see how weak I was, how bruised every inch of me was.
But then, had I not warned you well before? You still made an attempt. Why did you even come into my life, why?
How easy it was for you, walking in and out of my life like it was some sort of joke. A joke that claimed my entire fucking life.
Do you have even the slightest clue of what you put me through? How every second since a year, I've been dying. How my world is crumpled, my hopes have withered away and I've been acting all weird like a drunk maniac? That I've given up on life because I gave you all that was left of me. Does that bother you that you took all my love, crushed in under your feet and in that moment you ruined my entire life?
I guess no, but then it was my fault. I should've known that the love human race offers is always adulterated with lust, should've known that nothing lasts forever. That every moment I was with you, every second I felt I was alive, everything was an illusion. It's okay. I'll live this life, looking at our pictures, trying to figure out what exactly happened. Trying to fix myself, trying to get over you. I just hope the best for you.
I will let these memories haunt me for all my life, for they are all that I am left with. Let the misery cling onto me 'til my bones perish. Let it kill me, every single night. Live the rest of my life hoping you'd come back, telling myself all these lies over and over again, comforting my own self.
